If you watch TV like I do, you probably watch too much. But that means you’ve know our esteemed whistle-toter of the mens’ basketball program peddles a few Benzos in his spare time for Ross Motor Cars. Needless to say, no one wants to turn this article into a free marketing plug for Ross Motor Cars, located at the corner of SR48 and Loop Road in Warm and Cheerful Centerville, where you can find the largest selection of new and certified pre-owned Mercedes-Benz automobiles anywhere in the Miami Valley. If Bob Ross were here, he might also suggest we remind everyone that all service includes a free loaner and complimentary wash, but he’s not, and so we won’t bother. On the other hand, this might be a great time to encourage those of you who are on the fence about joining our Pride Plus premium forum to take the plunge and join the cause. You could renew your membership until the carbon in your body reaches its half-life and still spend less than you would on a new C-Class, courtesy of the fine people and great service staff at Bob Ross Motor Cars.

Head Coach Brian Gregory gives great lip service to the fine people at Bob Ross Motor Cars. Those Germans know how to build them. I own three from the Land of Lederhosen myself. I think it’s safe to assume the sales manager at Bob Ross Motor Cars makes it a point to outfit the G-Man with a piece of their finest rolling stock for all his trouble. No wonder he’s impressed with the no-hassle, low-key showroom experience.

“I want the SL55 AMG.”
“Coach, the contract calls for nothing higher than a well-equipped E-Class.”
“I want the SL55 AMG.”
“Would you like that in Diamond Schwartz Metallic or Cinnabar Red?”

Of course, we’re making assumptions left and right. Who knows if the friendly salespeople and terrific Finance Director at Bob Ross Motor Cars hooked BG up or not; we’ve never seen the coaching contract so it’s anyone’s guess. In fact, it’s really none of our business. About the only thing we know for sure is the Gregorian One listens to talk radio behind the wheel. And if he is driving a Benzo, that’s a serous waste of high fidelity from one of the premium stereo options that come standard on every new vehicle sold by the energetic sales team at Bob Ross Motor Cars. You can drive one of these monkeys through an isotope reactor and never lose signal. You also get 20 airbags and run-flat tires to escape a random country rock station, which is why everyone has turned to Sirius and XM.

Knowing what we know – which we’ve determined is almost nothing – we’ll use mathematics to fine-tune our product sample and decide on which Mercedes is parked in BG’s driveway.

Every good scientific approach needs a control. That’s the Mercedes SLR McLaren. These babies are a little pricey at $645 Grande’, so we’ll assume for purposes of this discussion that Mr. Kissell covered this loophole in the contract.