“There are unsmiling faces in fetters and chains, On a wheel in perpetual motion;
Who belong to all races and answer all names, With no show of an outward emotion;
And they think it will make their lives easier, But the doorway before them is barred;
And the game never ends, When your whole world depends;
On the turn of a friendly card, No the game never ends;
When your whole world depends, On the turn of a friendly card.”

As the Flyers prepare to face Duke, I was reminded of this refrain from the Alan Parsons concept album of the same name that deals with the insidious nature of gambling. Posters on the Message Boards wondered what the early Vegas line would be? Will the Flyers cover? The Cameron Crazies are on break, but Sean Finn is hurt…will that affect the odds? While in our hearts we all knew it was within the realm of possibilities for the Flyers to win, how many of us were willing to put our money where our mouths were? I didn’t think so.

Let me go on record as saying I am not a gambler — I learned at a fairly early age that the friendly cards — at least in poker–never seemed to turn for me. On those rare occasions when I have found myself in a casino, I have limited my wagers to the occasional slot machine and that’s it. This from the son of a guy who professes to have put himself through Harvard Medical School with his poker prowess and who currently resides in a metropolitan area with not one, not two, but three major casinos beckoning the suckers. Recently, one of the gambling emporiums here in Motown booted a group of video poker players because they were winning too much. Every casino has a few select video poker games set to pay out slightly more than they take in, as an enticement for players — which translates to something like 100.2%. If a video poker player masters the machine and plays it perfectly for a long time, they can actually win-it’s kinda like arbitrage in the stock market. The moneychangers wouldn’t have any of that, so those involved were kicked out and told not to come back. Clearly, the message delivered is: Losers welcome; winners go away.

The problem with gambling houses is that the odds are stacked in their favor. When asked if poker was a game of chance, W.C. Fields replied “Not the way I play it, no.” He also gave us this advice: “Never give a sucker an even break and never straighten out a chump.” When I was very young, I figured out how to follow ole W.C’s words of wisdom and stack the odds in my favor. Like most kids in the ’50s, I collected baseball cards. We’d swap ’em and play games — “Topsies” where you threw cards against a wall until someone landed one on top of another card or “Knocksies” where you set several cards up against a wall and knocked them down by throwing cards at them. These were games of chance, requiring only a modicum of skill. I invented my own game called “Farsies” wherein you placed a side bet of 5, 10 or more cards and you each threw a card as far as you could, with the winner getting the pot. I had a really strong arm and with a crisp, new card that could carry in the wind, I was virtually unbeatable. I ended up with literally thousands of baseball cards in my collection thanks to “Farsies.” Just don’t ask if I saved any of the damned things or how much they would be worth today — it’s a painful subject!

Years later, I apply the same W. C. Fields principles whenever I am playing somebody in a game of one-on-one basketball — I’m all of 5’7″ so I need any edge I can get! When I play mano a mano, I lay down the ground rules: we play ones and twos (anything inside the 3 point line is worth one; outside is 2); we play take everything back past the 3 point line (even bricks and blocks); we play make it, take it (or winners out) and we play to 11. How does this tilt the odds in my favor? First it puts an even greater premium on 3 point shooting, which is my specialty. In a normal game, a basket is either 2 or 3 points, so there is a 50% premium on hitting a 3; under my rules, it’s 100%. If you’ve ever played one-on-one in the city, they play “straight up” which means you don’t have to clear a turnover or a complete miss — you can put it right back up. This is a particular advantage for big guys who block shots and rebound — my rule eliminates the chance for garbage points. Playing “make it, take it” favors the streaky shooter and when it come to shooting, streaky is my middle name. If I’m hot, it will only take me 6 baskets to win, whereas a big guy will have to make 11 one-pointers to beat me. Advantage: little guy.

Some quick thoughts on gambling:

— Ever watch hardcore gamblers at a racetrack? Parsons’ line about “no show of an outward emotion” is dead on-they really don’t look like they are enjoying themselves, probably because they’re not.

— Look what gambling has done for Pete Rose and former OSU star (and Flyer hoops wannabe) Art Slichter.

— The mere hint of association with known point shaver Jack Molinas cost the University of Dayton arguably the best hoop talent to ever enroll here — Roger Brown.

— A guy in West Virginia just won $315 million (before taxes) in the Powerball Lottery. Did I buy a few tickets when I was in PA for Christmas-damn straight!

— Vegas learned the hard way several years in a row, when they made UD a “Home Dog” in their annual funfest at the Arena with Xavier and lost. I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts that UD will be favored this year, even if X is ranked.

— If I am gonna bet on something, it’s gonna be on me. I can directly control the outcome and if I lose, I have no one to blame but myself.

— For years, my father played the pro at his country club straight up, with no strokes…he didn’t think it was right to take them. He also didn’t win too often. No wonder the pro let me play for free last time I was home.

— Anyone who bets on the outcome of a sporting event involving teenagers and guys in their early twenties is patently insane. This isn’t up for discussion-they’re nuts!

That’s it “From the Swamp.”