It doesn’t take you long to realize that this guy is different. Most head coaches of major college basketball teams have a certain air about them. For the most part, they talk and act like they are from a different place. They have time for you, but just not too much time. They tend to be guarded; not ever wanting to open up for fear that it might expose a weak spot that might be exploited by someone down the road. They are rarely the guy next door. They are this way for many reasons. They are scrutinized on an almost daily basis. Every wannabe coach out there is ten times smarter than they are and only the things that they do wrong are ever remembered.

As a result, an invisible wall is built around both them and their family. You may see a friendly, cordial individual, but deep down inside, he has 5,000 other things swirling around in his consciousness. Too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Too many things to accomplish while they still have a chance. Another mountain to climb before somebody beats them there.

That is not what you get when you meet Jim Jabir (pronounced Jay’ bur). This might have been who he was before, but not who he is today. The Jim Jabir that you meet today is a fun loving, exuberant, hard working, trustworthy man on a mission. He is a man that wants to get back to the hilltop. Yet, he is a man who understands that the hilltop is not the true summit. Jim Jabir has experienced things in his life that have made him a better man and one that has learned to love the gifts that he has been given and just where they belong in his life. Sometimes failure is all we need to make us succeed.

Jim Jabir was born in Brooklyn, New York and lived a life not unlike most New Yorkers of his generation and background. He lived in a small house, had a number of close neighborhood friends and had a mother that he and many others would never forget. Jim relates, “We grew up in a lower middle class neighborhood. We moved a lot because of my dad’s changing jobs, although we always stayed in Brooklyn. My mom is a really great person that sacrificed a lot for us kids. It really left an impression on me.”

Jim was the oldest of three children that Rose Jabir brought into the world. His father moved from job to job and died at an early age so the majority of the raising of the kids really fell on Rose. Working multiple jobs, she did everything that she could to put her kids through the best schools yet be able to have some semblance of a home life. “I remember being up at 2 AM helping her pin slips for Gimbals. She would put all of the ribbings on the slips. She was also a receptionist in Manhattan. She would get on the train every morning to go to work, come home, feed us and then start to work again. We had a great family life and she gave us everything we ever wanted,” Jim said.

It was very important for Rose to have her children go to Catholic and college preps schools because college was something that was going to happen for her children. She and her family led a good life, but she knew that there was more out there for them. Her own life has been one of giving. Although she had a rising career in the fashion industry, one that took her across the world, she gave that all up to raise a family. She is a woman filled with spunk as she once broke up a gang fight with young Jim in her arms, refusing to leave until everyone went home.

“My mom is a real neat lady. I owe her a lot. As a kid I wasn’t close to my mom as most boys tend to be when they are young. When I think about my past, she is pretty prominent because of all the things she gave me. I think, when I was young, I had the same issues that most boys have. I was embarrassed to go to the super market with her. As I matured, I realized all of the contributions she has made in my life and for that I am very grateful.”

Like many athletes, Jabir not only grew to love his sport, it became part of his very fiber. This was not just something he did to pass the time; it was something that truly changed his life. “Basketball was very important to me. We knew a lot of people that got into serious trouble and basketball was always a way to keep me grounded, steady, disciplined. We would play in the rain; we would take shovels to schools to clean off the snow so we could play. Things are so different now. I would take my basketball to the park with me at 9 in the morning and came home when it got dark. Basketball was everything for us. My girl friend got me two tickets to a Knick game and I took my best friend. I didn’t even realize how stupid I was for not taking her. I surrounded myself with basketball players. I would play every day. It really gave me an identity. It made me different. Basketball has always been important to me in my life. It gave me real balance and as a coach I try to make players see that.”

Loving a sport and being good at it are two different things. He might have spent thousands of uncounted hours playing the game, but both Jim and every college coach in the land knew that he wasn’t good enough to get a free education. As a result, Jabir attended Nazareth College, a Division III school. “I got better as a player after I left college. I could shoot and pass it a little bit, but I wasn’t very good. The game got more important to me after I quit playing. Being a coach has always been with me. After we would get done practicing, I would just hang around in the gym and watch. I didn’t know how I could support myself but it was fascinating to me.”

Not long before graduation, Jabir finally came to the realization that he was going to have to come up with some type of a career since he was probably never going to make it in basketball. Jim remembers, “I was an English major probably for no other reason than I probably couldn’t have gotten a degree in anything else. It was getting close to graduation and I began to think about what I was going to do with my life. I got a job as a technical writer with a small high tech company. I hated it and wasn’t very good at it. Yet, I kept getting promotions because I could talk. I felt guilty because there was a junior college grad that worked next to me and put out three times as much work, yet I kept moving up. We had flextime and I would go in early, skip lunch and leave at 1 in the afternoon. With all of this extra time on my hands, I was able to get a job as a part time coach at my alma mater.”

Jabir spent a year on the part time job and decided that his life as a technical writer had come to an end. He took a job at Buffalo State College as an assistant coach while he worked on his master’s degree. He made $1,000 that year. To keep the money flowing, he cut lawns in the summer.

It was during his time in college that he met his wife, Kathy, “I told my wife when we were dating that this (coaching) was something that I really wanted to pursue. I let her know that it would be long hours and I wouldn’t see her very much and told her that it would be bleak at times. But she has been wonderful.”

Kathy was working for Xerox and selling copiers to pay the bills while Jim spent all of his time in gyms and locker rooms. It was his second year at Buffalo State when Jabir received the break of a lifetime. The head coach of the women’s team decided that she wanted to go to school full time to get her doctorate. At least on an interim basis, the job was his. “She handed over the program to me at 23 years old and we go to the NCAA Division III Tournament. She came back the next year and helped me get an interview at Siena College, which honestly I didn’t deserve with the level of experience that I had. I ended up getting the job, which I probably didn’t deserve either. They were not highly invested in the women’s program and I was cheap. I had a lot of energy and enthusiasm and promised up and down that I could do the job.”

Jabir was 24 and the job was his. He convinced Siena that he was ready for the job, he just hadn’t convinced himself, “You have a lot of bravado but it didn’t take me long to feel that I was in over my head. I had this huge anxiety attack after taking over. I remember closing my office door and looking through files hoping to find notes that the previous coach had left. I didn’t even know what a home visit was. I didn’t know what an official visit was. I didn’t know anything.”

Jabir, fresh from one year as head coach of a small Division III school, was eager, but not seasoned. He had never really had a mentor to learn the tricks of the trade from. He had been thrown into the middle of a dung heap and come out smelling like a rose. However, this was different. This was now Division I and he was the “man.” Yet, he could not have fallen into a better situation. Jabir was lucky enough to have as a fellow head coach at Siena, Mike Deane. Although Deane has had his ups and downs in the following years, he was doing well at Siena and happily took Jabir under his wing. Jabir relates, “It was a real blessing. Mike Deane was the men’s coach there and it became a three-year laboratory for me. I basically lived with him. I went to his practices. I spent time in his locker room. He would take me to lunch. I think he is one of the best teachers in the country.”

Deane’s teaching and Jabir’s hard work seemed to do the trick because the Saints went 50-30 over the next three years. After his third consecutive winning season, Marquette came calling. Even though he was just 27, Jim was on his way to the big time. Marquette was a good school with a bad women’s basketball program. He had gotten past the point of not knowing what an in-home visit was, but not the question, “Could he turn around a program at a much higher level of competition?”